On a Mission
Warm summer night Sitting on the balcony floor Facing me closely On the faded blue beach blanket Two wine glasses Two mezcal shots One water pipe
Warm string lights Illuminating the texture of your curly hair Your eyes So wide and open Deep like the ocean Sad like the saddest movie I’ve ever seen
Your eyes on my eyes No blinking so far Piercing through my soul I feel seen for the first time
So I’ve been practicing a headstand for a while.
I got back into a regular practice of yoga around 2018 when I moved to a new neighborhood where I found a yoga studio I love. This is in Los Angeles.
I caught covid in late 2022. Then I came home to Japan in order to heal and recover from the serious decline in my health and well-being. I’d been away from my family for 3 years prior.
For the past 6 months, I’ve been practicing the headstand more intensively and intentionally than ever. And yesterday, with my knees bent (baby steps!), I was able to float both of my feet in the air for a few long seconds for the first time.
The headstand was always hard for me for two reasons. One, a lack of strength in my upper body. I’ve been training my upper body and core for this. Two, fear. I couldn’t kick the fear of vertical inversion. Everything about it was terrifying for me. It was psychological. The fear was limiting me, and I hated that.
Something happened to how I handled fear after a certain incident.
Recently, I spoke out against the untouchable masculine in my family. I say it casually, but this was monumental for me and my family, as he’s left immense emotional scars on me and others, for life.
This experience changed something in me. Something popped. I felt a level-up, and it feels fantastic.
Photo by Lauren W.
Big vast ocean Slow dancing waves Washing away all the worries Embracing me with love Love so big that’s out of this world For the little child inside of me
I’m sitting in the shallow water Looking straight into the orange sunset Glitters on the surface The water is warm The whole place is warm I am warm Because the sun is still out there
Your harsh words Carelessly spat out at me Bringing back all the memories Memories I want to forget for life Destroying my light, my soul, my drive, my creativity I don’t wish to speak to you anymore Until you resolve your darkness
I love the nighttime. I am a night owl. The darkness inspires me. It lights the fire in me. Sometimes, I wake up early by accident. Totally against my desire. I wish I were a morning person. Because the sun is too precious to miss.
I look forward to seeing the black cat every time I go out for a walk. Sometimes he’s outside, sometimes he is not. That is just how it is. We’ve become very close over the past few months. I’ve slowly gained his love and trust. We have a mutual understanding of each other. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt this way toward a nonhuman. Souls are souls after all. I’m in love with his sweet soul.
Photo by my mom
